Yes, I'm Two faced

I wish I could write to you from a place of perfection

I wish I could

a place completely loved and adore by all

a place transparent as the air

a place with no past mistakes and bad days

a place where I am always right about everything

a place where I know it all and have it all

but, I am not that

I am strong

I speak with eloquence

I am a loyal friend

I do most things with all my heart

I seek to understand

I love to learn

I live to serve

I don't take life for granted

I tend to remember to say, Thank You

yet I am also

impatient

fussy

overly critical

quick with my tongue

I do not eat right

sometimes too I'm reserved

I take on too much

see the thing; not the person

not qualified

There are two sides to the coin called me

so yes I do have two faces

I seek to merge the two and fail most times  

I am fine dying unknown but,

I want what I have done do live on...

I am GREAT

but, this is ME...
but, only a glimpse
this time, not because I am afraid to show you who I am
but, because I too, am still discovering who I am.

The Families we are Born into.

In this life we are afforded many choices and whether we are intentional or not we still have a choice. Out of the many choices in life I have the family I was born into was not one of them. I did not get to choose in which family I would be born into. That was never up to me I just was born and from that point I was given a few more choices at first they were limited. As a child I didn’t get to choose what clothes I wore that choice feel on my parents then I grew a bit older and the choice was mine. As a child I was feed food I had a choice to either eat or not but what I got feed what not my choice not that I am not living with my parents what enters into my body is up to me. As a youth I found myself in a school and after a while I had the choice to stay on not.

My life has had a trend, of ‘not up to me’ to ‘completely up to me’. In the ‘not up to me’ stage it was a time I didn’t have the physical capacity to do tasks on my own and the wisdom to make decisions on my own. At that stage my family made all the decisions for me, not because only because I was incapable but, someone had to teach me. So basically they had control of my life and they did a good job. This I would not know unless I entered the ‘completely up to me’ stage.

In the ‘completely up to me’ stage I’m faced with decisions I need to make from the simple ‘what will I have for breakfast?’ to the not so simple ‘what type of person am I choosing to be?.’ This stage does not mean I walk alone but, I have to choice to include my family/friends in how and what decisions I make. Ultimately the choice is mine.

I think that I am too old now to put blame on my family for a messed up character, I have a choice of all that I have learned from my family of the good and the bad its up to me what I take and what I leave. So with the kind hearts of the women in my family, if I am not kind I do not get to blame them for it is a decision I have made.

The family I never choose to be born into is a family that I love and admire. It’s a family with imperfections but, a deep love that has the grace to help me through my own imperfections. It’s a family that teaches me a lot yet always remembers my birthday, a family that through the thick chooses to become closer and stronger. I didn’t get to choose my family but the one that I got I love.